I know, the title of this blog seems depressing as we begin a brand new year. Hang with me here, I have some important things to say.
When I started Nurturing Newborns, LLC, I was naive about many things. Operating a small business, the cost of marketing, the connection I would feel with my clients, and the joy I feel as I watch parents and babies bond to name a few. I was most naive about the depression and anxiety that some moms and even some dads feel following the birth of their baby. 
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a debilitating mental illness and can affect 9-16% of new moms. Women who have a history of depression are more prone to PPD. The combination of therapy and medication seems to be most effective in the treatment of PPD. It is crucial that parents are screened for this illness at the first sign of a disturbance in mood.
In my work with families of fussy, sleep deprived babies and parents, I see my fair share of depressed parents, mostly moms. While I have no New Year's Resolutions, I am determined to learn more about this illness in 2014 and my goal is to support these families that struggle to enjoy their new baby while battling a mental illness.
If you know someone with a new baby, don't hesitate to talk about the risk of PPD. Parents, support each other and don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help, PPD can get worse if not treated. And remember, there is hope for those in the darkness of postpartum depression.

Happy Parenting,
Susan

Whenever I am hit with a bout of complacency, I read the article, Love With Teeth by Adrienne Jones.
www.nopointsforstyle.com. It brings me to tears every time. I am grateful to Adrienne for her honesty. She shares some ugly emotions as she struggles to love and care for her screaming baby.

Adrienne says, "Ugly truths are like mold, they grow best in the dark". In my work with families struggling with fussy babies, I encourage parents to speak all the ugly truths. Yes, there are times when I wish I hadn't asked that question. Hearing that parents think their baby hates them, hearing that parents have fought the urge to return their baby anonymously to the hospital, or knowing that parents are at the end of their rope can be unsettling moments for me. But as Adrienne experienced with her own ugly truths, throwing them out into the air and sunlight, these ugly truths seem to lose some of their power. 

I am not a magician, I am not "The Baby Whisperer", and I am not the only authority on fussy babies. But when I say to parents, "I am listening and you are not alone", I am an instant superstar.

Happy Parenting,
Susan

We live in an age of immediate information. The answers to most questions are at our fingertips 24 hours a day. However, there are not always clear answers to these questions. Why is my baby crying? What is my baby trying to tell me? Why can't I read my baby's cues? 
Baby cues are often hard to read. Babies with health issues, babies who are preemies or underweight, and babies who are overstimulated are particularly hard to understand. I recently worked with an experienced mom of a new baby with severe food allergies. Because this baby cries ALL THE TIME, it has been difficult for the family to separate hunger cries from tummy ache cries, fatigue cries from wet diaper cries and loneliness cries from overstimulation cries. Throw exhausted parents into this mix and you've got a befuddled mess.
Parents, I understand how difficult it is to understand your new baby's needs. Especially when they are screaming. In a calm (and rested) moment, make a list of things to try when baby is crying and put it on the fridge for all caregivers to see. Include the number for the pediatrician and someone else that can support you in tough moments. And remember, walking away from a crying baby for a moment when you are feeling overwhelmed is an appropriate option.
My third child was a model baby and toddler. (And he's a pretty awesome guy still!) When he was 16 months old we spent a hot summer day at the Denver Zoo. I couldn't understand why he was uncharacteristically fussy in his car seat on the way home. I decided to take a chance and remove his socks and shoes. After all, my feet were sweaty. Sure enough, he settled back in his seat and fell right to sleep. 
I read somewhere once that the definition of a sweater is what you put on when your mother is cold. Parents, watch your baby, do your research, be prepared with a plan, be kind to yourselves and put a sweater on that baby when you're cold. It may be just what that baby needs.

Happy Parenting,
Susan


 

I recently had the pleasure of working with a family of a newborn who has a ten year old sister. This newborn is an incredibly intense baby who has the whole family a little undone. Long bouts of crying, very little sleep for mom and dad and general chaos reign in this once orderly home. During my visit, big sis calmly and expertly showed me how she soothes her new baby brother. I actually considered handing over my Fussy Baby Specialist badge to her!
As you can see from this picture, there were no ten year old siblings at my house when the newborns arrived. While this is a picture of two brothers, it is also a picture of two babies, one looking not too happy to have to share his babydom. I had some surprises as well when I discovered a playpen is not necessarily a safe place for a baby. The playpen was no match for the throwing arms of the older Huebner siblings. (No permanent damage done. Whew!)
It is a real challenge to care for a newborn, have quality time for older children, and promote love and caring between siblings. Parents, you must get creative with your time. Cuddle your newborn while watching a video with an older child. (for the 35th time) Put baby in a carrier while you do a puzzle with an older child. Arrange play dates for your older child. Ask a friend to watch the baby for an hour while you take an older child for ice cream. Instead of fretting about whether you are giving enough attention to all your children, be thankful for the real life opportunity to teach your children the real meaning of sharing.

I read somewhere that parenting is not for the faint of heart. The glow of pregnancy and wondrous anticipation of a new baby are in stark contrast to the realities of labor, delivery and caring for a newborn. Friends and relatives may tell you how tired you will be after baby arrives, how much your boobs will hurt, how much a baby cries, and how difficult and exhausting it will be to leave the house. However, before that baby arrives, it just sounds too unbelievable.
Parents must, well frankly, get some guts. No one will care for and love your child like you do. You are that child's number one advocate. You must be calm and brave during immunizations, high fevers, disagreements with day care providers and sleepless nights. You are the only one to convince the nurse on the other end of the phone that yes, your child DOES need to be seen by the doctor. And, you must work really hard to keep it together as you hold down your toddler so their face can be stitched after a run in with the kitchen counter.
Recently I flew over rough Alaskan terrain in a tiny airplane and a helicopter. For me, that took some guts. And even though I was told how tough it would be to send a child off to college, I had no idea how difficult and how much parental intestinal fortitude that would require. But watching four wonderful individuals find their strength and their stride has been more rewarding than I every could have imagined.

As an infant sleep consultant, I have heard lots of sad and dysfunctional sleep stories this summer from families while they were vacationing. In fact, I never encourage sleep training right before or right after a family vacation. The word "vacation" is a secret code to all little people that means "stay awake at all costs". It has been this way since the beginning of time and I see no sign of change ahead.
Family vacations with four little ones have been some of the best days of my life. Please don't think that the equations I am sharing mean you shouldn't vacation with small children. After a couple of weeks, 6 months tops, you will be looking at your vacation pics and not even remember the lack of sleep.

Five minutes to destination=time to fall asleep
Time to fall asleep=necessary bathroom stop
Hotel beds=trampolines
One person asleep=all persons asleep
One person awake=all persons awake
Everyone sleeping in one room=Mom nursing in the bathroom
Everyone sleeping in one room=automatic party
Long naps in the car=late night at Grandma's
Time change=no change
Double beds=minimum of 3 family members
Lack of sleep=fond memories

I hope my children don't remember being tired on family vacations. Instead, I hope they remember the quality time spent together, visiting loved ones and learning about the world. This is time well spent. We have plenty of time in our life to sleep. 

As part of my work at Fussy Baby Network Colorado, we offer presentations to private or community agencies that explain our services. At the very beginning of the presentation, we play a recording of a baby crying. We ask the participants to close their eyes and just listen. When the crying stops, we ask the listeners to tell us the duration of the crying they just heard. Most participants guess 2 or even 3 minutes. The actual length of the recording is just under 30 seconds. All babies cry, some more than others. (Straight from the Fussy Baby brochure!) It simply isn't always possible to know why your baby is crying. Some babies are incredibly vocal, some babies go from calm to hysterical in a matter of seconds, and some babies start screaming and then have trouble stopping.
I was once in a department store while a baby was screaming in his stroller. Grandpa was sweating and pushing the stroller faster and faster to get the baby to stop crying. (It wasn't working!) I started sweating myself and had to leave the store. I talk to parents every day about their crying baby, and I absolutely understand how hard it is to hear. Even 30 seconds can seem like an eternity. Remember; all babies cry, some more than others, and reach out for positive support. You are not alone.

12 years ago I let my two best girlfriends talk me in to participating in a triathlon. While I happened to marry an athlete and then give birth to athletes, I have no gifts in that area whatsoever. Through sheer stubbornness, stupidity and support from my girlfriends, I completed a total of three sprint distance triathlons. It wasn’t pretty and it certainly wasn’t fast, but I did it!

Every week I talk with parents of infants who are questioning their ability to parent effectively. Even experienced parents can be totally befuddled by baby #2. There are many reasons for this. Too much information, too little information, inappropriate information, know-it-all relatives information, perfect friend information or being just plain tired can really mess with the parenting part of your brain.

Listen up, parents. Watch your baby, not the computer monitor. Your baby is human and so are you. Trust your instincts. Seek positive support. Try things more than once. Work as a team. Simply and totally love your screaming, spitting, not sleeping, pooping, hitting baby. You can do it!

Happy Parenting!
Susan

This headline appeared in the Denver Post earlier this year.  There seems to be no doubt that home visitation by caring professionals helps to reduce the incidence of child abuse.  As a home visitor, I can’t even begin to explain how powerful and effective my work can be while sitting in someone’s living room.  Families
share their fears, doubts and insecurities more readily in the privacy of their homes.  I get to see and “feel” what life is like in their home, including barking dogs, noisy neighbors, random people walking around, and cultural uniqueness. Interesting smells, a thermostat set to 85 degrees, having to move dirty laundry to find a place to sit and occasionally scary situations can make my job difficult at times.  When I focus on the parents, baby and the needs of the family, I have learned to block out outside stimuli and support the parent-child relationship on that day, in that hour and in that minute.  I may not have an opportunity tomorrow to help this family. And unfortunately, tomorrow can be a scary place for some families.  Let’s go home and help make life with baby an enjoyable experience.

Happy Parenting!
Susan

June is my favorite weather month in Colorado.  Cool nights and long, warm, (not too warm), sunshiny days make life in this beautiful state a wonderful experience.   Life in the summertime with a baby can also be a wonderful experience. 

Here are some of my favorite “summer life with baby” experiences:
     ·Baby bare feet.  Who can resist kissing them?
     ·No coat needed.  Moms are coat hangers.  It’s nice to be free of that responsibility for a season.
     ·Popsicles.  Need I say more?
     ·Plastic baby pools.  I can’t think of a cheaper form of fun in the summer.  It feels good on big people toes too.
     ·Sleeping baby in a diaper only.  Awwww.
     ·Baby sun hats.  I didn’t think you could make a baby cuter, but somehow sun hats manage to do the trick!
     ·Relatives visiting.  Always great to have an extra set of hands around.
     ·Stroller naps.  This is always good for a late afternoon fussy gussy.
     ·The sweet smell of sweaty babies.
     ·Pool time=Bath time.  The garden hose works well for cleansing too.

You may have noticed I have not included in this blog my non-favorite “summertime life with baby” experiences.  Let’s not go there just yet.  Winter will be here soon enough.

Happy Parenting,
Susan