This foot with the pediatric wrap is a perfect example of where a lack of patience will take you. Because I was impatient and careless in the care of my foot following surgery, my recovery is taking twice as long as it should. While I encourage parents every day to be patient with their little ones, apparently I have not been following my own advice. My little toes are paying the price.

At first, new parents seem to welcome eating breakfast at 2 p.m., doing laundry at 2 a.m., and wearing pajama pants to dress up for visitors. When that baby is about 3 weeks old, I start getting calls from moms and dads who are hoping to take a shower every day at the same time, would like to know when they can plan to go to Target or, most commonly, when baby will start sleeping at the same time each day. Hang on folks, the unpredictable ride is just beginning.

Patience is a necessary survival tool for parents. I have been gritting my teeth for 28 years now. I patiently waited for babies to stop throwing up on my church clothes. I calmly stood by during many a toddler tantrum. I accepted the phase where my preschooler only ate chicken nuggets. (This lasted YEARS. It took a lot out of me.) I didn't make assumptions when my 2nd grader chewed on the collar of all his shirts. Don't even get me started on the patience it took to survive the preteen and teen years. 

Children grow and change quickly. Infants are especially unpredictable and confusing. Phases come and go. Just when you think you have things figured out, your child reminds you of their uniqueness. Parenting is the best and bumpiest roller coaster I've ever experienced.

Happy Parenting!
Susan


 

This adorable baby girl was just 4 months old when I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Her older brothers were 5, 3 and 23 months. As I faced emergency surgery, Dad and I were scrambling to find help in our home with the children as well as coping with the cancer diagnosis and treatment. My husband was working long hours at the time, we had never used day care, and we had no immediate family in town. This story ended very well. We were blessed to have family come to help from out of state, a multitude of friends and neighbors stepped up, and the cancer was contained and treated by the surgery. We are forever grateful for the support.

Nurturing Newborns, LLC has had the opportunity to do respite care for families in this type of crisis. Our short term service provides help in the homes of families who are going through difficult times. We have supported moms with postpartum depression, moms struggling with serious illness such as a stroke, cancer or surgical procedures, and families coping with fragile preemies and multiples. We change bedding, make dinner, rearrange furniture to allow children to play close to mom recovering on the couch, and care for the struggling family as if it were our own. We are a calm, reassuring presence when parents and children need it the most. My staff and I feel blessed to be able to do this work.

Our first experience with respite care came for a 26 year old mother of 2 toddlers who was fighting breast cancer. The thought of being separated from her children during her illness was much scarier to her than the cancer itself. At Nurturing Newborns, we strongly believe parents need to "parent" in times of crisis. And, as this young mom so beautifully said, my children ARE my medicine.

Happy Parenting,
Susan

The Macmillan dictionary defines isolation as the state of being separated from others, or a situation where you do not have the support of other people. 
Let's remember the days before the chicken pox vaccinations. It was the end of January in 1991 when first one, then another, then two more of my children came down with this miserable childhood disease. Chicken pox has a two week incubation period. You do the math. I was separated from others for what seemed like an eternity, and most intelligent people wouldn't even drive by our house. We had to enter the pediatrician's office by the back door. Okay, this is an extreme case of isolation, but you get the idea.
Many new parents seem to think they should sequester themselves and figure out this parenting thing on their own. There is also the fear of having to care for your new baby in front of other people. A baby meltdown in public, a biting baby (this happened to me), or simply bottle feeding a baby when out and about worries parents that they will be judged in some way. I know a mom who didn't feel comfortable at a mommy support group because all the other babies were wearing cloth diapers and she and her husband use disposables! Find a different group. This one is neither supportive or confidence building.
I'm not suggesting that leaving the house with a new baby will solve all your problems. And for those depressed moms, leaving the house can be monumentally difficult. I am encouraging new moms (and dads) to seek the support of positive people, put on your best pair of stretchy pants, add some chap stick and get out there, even if it's just the Starbucks drive through.
When my second was born, I found myself home with a nosy 17 month old and a very fussy newborn. I was lonely, tired and overwhelmed. That's when I found her. That one friend who understood what it was like to survive on jello and peanut butter, who understood what exhaustion really was, who didn't expect me to be a perfect parent, and who was happy to sit on my couch and just watch our kids make a mess. It wasn't a fancy outing, and we wore the same mom jeans and Reebok tennis shoes every day, but we now look back on that time with wonder and longing. 

Happy Parenting,
Susan

My oldest son, pictured here at his graduation for his Masters degree, is the most curious person I know. As you can see, he has successfully survived his curious life, hence the title of my blog.
While his curiosity hasn't killed the cat (him), it has come close to killing the cat's mother (me). Jumping from precarious heights, wondering how close he could get to his sisters head with a rock, moving out of the country alone with no plan for lodging, are all things that made his mommy cringe.
Newborns can only see 8 to 15 inches. In 5 short months, they can be sitting up on their own and rolling to get where they want to be. In the next 7 months (and for the rest of their lives), they explore and discover the world beyond their reach. It is a wild ride for them and can be exciting and yet terrifying for parents to watch. Just like that the days of baby being happy to be on your lap are gone. Instead, baby prefers to cross the great divide of your family room to chew on an electrical cord or play with a stray crumb on the floor. Heavy sigh.
The big cat pictured here loved to get dirty. It was a hard thing for me at first, he looked so adorable in his clean clothes. However, his Dad gently reminded me, how can he learn about dirt without getting dirty? 

Happy Parenting,
Susan

I know, the title of this blog seems depressing as we begin a brand new year. Hang with me here, I have some important things to say.
When I started Nurturing Newborns, LLC, I was naive about many things. Operating a small business, the cost of marketing, the connection I would feel with my clients, and the joy I feel as I watch parents and babies bond to name a few. I was most naive about the depression and anxiety that some moms and even some dads feel following the birth of their baby. 
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a debilitating mental illness and can affect 9-16% of new moms. Women who have a history of depression are more prone to PPD. The combination of therapy and medication seems to be most effective in the treatment of PPD. It is crucial that parents are screened for this illness at the first sign of a disturbance in mood.
In my work with families of fussy, sleep deprived babies and parents, I see my fair share of depressed parents, mostly moms. While I have no New Year's Resolutions, I am determined to learn more about this illness in 2014 and my goal is to support these families that struggle to enjoy their new baby while battling a mental illness.
If you know someone with a new baby, don't hesitate to talk about the risk of PPD. Parents, support each other and don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help, PPD can get worse if not treated. And remember, there is hope for those in the darkness of postpartum depression.

Happy Parenting,
Susan

Whenever I am hit with a bout of complacency, I read the article, Love With Teeth by Adrienne Jones.
www.nopointsforstyle.com. It brings me to tears every time. I am grateful to Adrienne for her honesty. She shares some ugly emotions as she struggles to love and care for her screaming baby.

Adrienne says, "Ugly truths are like mold, they grow best in the dark". In my work with families struggling with fussy babies, I encourage parents to speak all the ugly truths. Yes, there are times when I wish I hadn't asked that question. Hearing that parents think their baby hates them, hearing that parents have fought the urge to return their baby anonymously to the hospital, or knowing that parents are at the end of their rope can be unsettling moments for me. But as Adrienne experienced with her own ugly truths, throwing them out into the air and sunlight, these ugly truths seem to lose some of their power. 

I am not a magician, I am not "The Baby Whisperer", and I am not the only authority on fussy babies. But when I say to parents, "I am listening and you are not alone", I am an instant superstar.

Happy Parenting,
Susan

We live in an age of immediate information. The answers to most questions are at our fingertips 24 hours a day. However, there are not always clear answers to these questions. Why is my baby crying? What is my baby trying to tell me? Why can't I read my baby's cues? 
Baby cues are often hard to read. Babies with health issues, babies who are preemies or underweight, and babies who are overstimulated are particularly hard to understand. I recently worked with an experienced mom of a new baby with severe food allergies. Because this baby cries ALL THE TIME, it has been difficult for the family to separate hunger cries from tummy ache cries, fatigue cries from wet diaper cries and loneliness cries from overstimulation cries. Throw exhausted parents into this mix and you've got a befuddled mess.
Parents, I understand how difficult it is to understand your new baby's needs. Especially when they are screaming. In a calm (and rested) moment, make a list of things to try when baby is crying and put it on the fridge for all caregivers to see. Include the number for the pediatrician and someone else that can support you in tough moments. And remember, walking away from a crying baby for a moment when you are feeling overwhelmed is an appropriate option.
My third child was a model baby and toddler. (And he's a pretty awesome guy still!) When he was 16 months old we spent a hot summer day at the Denver Zoo. I couldn't understand why he was uncharacteristically fussy in his car seat on the way home. I decided to take a chance and remove his socks and shoes. After all, my feet were sweaty. Sure enough, he settled back in his seat and fell right to sleep. 
I read somewhere once that the definition of a sweater is what you put on when your mother is cold. Parents, watch your baby, do your research, be prepared with a plan, be kind to yourselves and put a sweater on that baby when you're cold. It may be just what that baby needs.

Happy Parenting,
Susan


 

I recently had the pleasure of working with a family of a newborn who has a ten year old sister. This newborn is an incredibly intense baby who has the whole family a little undone. Long bouts of crying, very little sleep for mom and dad and general chaos reign in this once orderly home. During my visit, big sis calmly and expertly showed me how she soothes her new baby brother. I actually considered handing over my Fussy Baby Specialist badge to her!
As you can see from this picture, there were no ten year old siblings at my house when the newborns arrived. While this is a picture of two brothers, it is also a picture of two babies, one looking not too happy to have to share his babydom. I had some surprises as well when I discovered a playpen is not necessarily a safe place for a baby. The playpen was no match for the throwing arms of the older Huebner siblings. (No permanent damage done. Whew!)
It is a real challenge to care for a newborn, have quality time for older children, and promote love and caring between siblings. Parents, you must get creative with your time. Cuddle your newborn while watching a video with an older child. (for the 35th time) Put baby in a carrier while you do a puzzle with an older child. Arrange play dates for your older child. Ask a friend to watch the baby for an hour while you take an older child for ice cream. Instead of fretting about whether you are giving enough attention to all your children, be thankful for the real life opportunity to teach your children the real meaning of sharing.

I read somewhere that parenting is not for the faint of heart. The glow of pregnancy and wondrous anticipation of a new baby are in stark contrast to the realities of labor, delivery and caring for a newborn. Friends and relatives may tell you how tired you will be after baby arrives, how much your boobs will hurt, how much a baby cries, and how difficult and exhausting it will be to leave the house. However, before that baby arrives, it just sounds too unbelievable.
Parents must, well frankly, get some guts. No one will care for and love your child like you do. You are that child's number one advocate. You must be calm and brave during immunizations, high fevers, disagreements with day care providers and sleepless nights. You are the only one to convince the nurse on the other end of the phone that yes, your child DOES need to be seen by the doctor. And, you must work really hard to keep it together as you hold down your toddler so their face can be stitched after a run in with the kitchen counter.
Recently I flew over rough Alaskan terrain in a tiny airplane and a helicopter. For me, that took some guts. And even though I was told how tough it would be to send a child off to college, I had no idea how difficult and how much parental intestinal fortitude that would require. But watching four wonderful individuals find their strength and their stride has been more rewarding than I every could have imagined.

As an infant sleep consultant, I have heard lots of sad and dysfunctional sleep stories this summer from families while they were vacationing. In fact, I never encourage sleep training right before or right after a family vacation. The word "vacation" is a secret code to all little people that means "stay awake at all costs". It has been this way since the beginning of time and I see no sign of change ahead.
Family vacations with four little ones have been some of the best days of my life. Please don't think that the equations I am sharing mean you shouldn't vacation with small children. After a couple of weeks, 6 months tops, you will be looking at your vacation pics and not even remember the lack of sleep.

Five minutes to destination=time to fall asleep
Time to fall asleep=necessary bathroom stop
Hotel beds=trampolines
One person asleep=all persons asleep
One person awake=all persons awake
Everyone sleeping in one room=Mom nursing in the bathroom
Everyone sleeping in one room=automatic party
Long naps in the car=late night at Grandma's
Time change=no change
Double beds=minimum of 3 family members
Lack of sleep=fond memories

I hope my children don't remember being tired on family vacations. Instead, I hope they remember the quality time spent together, visiting loved ones and learning about the world. This is time well spent. We have plenty of time in our life to sleep.