​Assumption (noun). A thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
 
Assumptions can save your life. When I stood (safely) on the banks of Niagara Falls, I didn’t need to see someone roll down the Falls in a barrel to assume I would be seriously injured if I tried doing that. A side note. Seeing that powerful waterfall was incredible and I highly recommend a visit to this iconic site.
 
Assumptions can stunt your life. All of us have hesitated to make a change, put off helping others, lived in fear of the unknown, passed on a different career and stayed safely on the couch because of assumptions. Conversely, it is very savvy to gather information. It is very savvy to discuss life opportunities with trusted friends and family members. It is very savvy to do your homework. Assuming a negative result before doing your homework is not savvy and can be life stunting.
 
Every week I am blessed to meet amazing families with infants and toddlers. Every family has a unique story, a unique set of circumstances. Because I am human, I take the small amount of information given to me by a referral source and I make assumptions. In the 12 years I have been doing this work I have discovered how damaging assumptions can be. So, I am learning to pause. Ask questions. Listen. Process.
 
At Nurturing Newborns, we have the opportunity to provide respite for families in great need. When I share basic family information with my respite manager, (bless her-she is the best at “unassuming”) we have a mantra. “It’s never just one thing”.
 
Yes, we know the family lives below the poverty line. Yes, we know this is a single parent household. Yes, we know the baby is a preemie and on oxygen. Yes, we know that there are other children in the home.
 
Here’s what we didn’t know. This single mom also cares for an elderly grandparent in the home. We didn’t know that the father of the baby is incarcerated. We didn’t know that one of the older children has autism. We didn’t know that the family car needs repairs. We didn’t know. We assumed it was “just one thing”. We needed to see the big picture. 
 
As a team, Nurturing Newborns, LLC discusses all these “things” that this single mom faces each day. We work together to create a plan of support that is unassuming and flexible. We work together with other community support systems to help this single mom take a breath and move forward. We don’t assume that this family will fall in a heap when we have completed our respite care services. We support the family “in the moment” which is the only way this mom has survived her entire life.
 
What a gift these families are to me! The world looks so different now. I am more courageous. I am hopeful. I am more calm and thoughtful of others. I am also human, so please don’t assume I am courageous, hopeful, calm and thoughtful all the time. I am still a work in progress.
 
 
Happy Parenting!
Susan

I went through the Starbuck’s drive-through today. (Shout-out to my husband for the Christmas gift card!) This is not an uncommon happening for me on weekday afternoons. We are all familiar with that “I need sugar”, “I need caffeine” thing in the afternoon. However, for me today, this trip was special.
 
In February, my husband and I travelled to Grand Island, Nebraska, to spend time with my mother-in-law. We celebrated her birthday and played scrabble and had a lovely visit. On a side note, the high temp one day was minus 7. No kidding. I was running an errand there that weekend and felt that need for sugar and caffeine. I waited in a very long line for my coffee and banana bread at Starbucks. As I reached for my credit card,  I was told that the person in front of me had paid for my treats. The day seemed much warmer after that.
 
And then, today happened. Again, my afternoon Starbuck treats were paid for by the person in the line in front of me. Now, maybe this is a thing. Maybe this is happening in other cities and towns. But, inexplicably, this surprise generosity happened to me twice in one month. Thank you, blue sedan. Thank you, silver SUV.
 
I am reading the book WHERE THE WIND LEADS by Vinh Chung and Tim Downs. This is a memoir based on the experiences of Vinh Chung and his family who were forced out of Vietnam in 1979 and became refugees in the United States. I have yet to finish the book, but it is fast becoming one of the most interesting and impactful memoirs I have ever read.
 
The forward to this book is written by Richard Stearns who is the president of World Vision U.S. He writes:
"Don’t ever underestimate the difference you can make in the life of one person. What if Nelson Mandela had died in a refugee camp, Mother Teresa had been forced into an early marriage, or Gandhi had died as a child for lack of clean water? One small act today can lead to another and another. Like a line of dominoes, where each one plays a minor but essential role, we can each play a part. It may only take one act to save one life that can change the course of history.”
                                                                         Richard Stearns, Bellevue, WA
 
IN NO WAY am I comparing paying for a Starbuck’s coffee to the generosity or sacrifice of Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela or Gandhi. However, in our world, in these unsettling times, we need to be reminded that any one of us can make a difference to one person, in one moment, on any one day.
 
What opportunity did you have today to make a difference? Did you miss it? Did you hesitate because you thought it was too small or inappropriate? Were you frightened to get involved? Think about your day, your week, this year. Where and when could you do one small act of generosity to make a difference?
 
We have had too many surprises in the last year to even count. Each surprise has been more stressful than the one before. Our community and our country could really use some surprise generosity and surprise kindness right about now. When will you have the chance to surprise someone? BE READY.
 
Happy Parenting,
Susan

“YOU’RE GONNA MISS THIS”
 
 
Trace Adkins sings; dog’s barkin’, phone’s ringin’, one kid’s cryin’, one kid’s screamin’. Let’s add a pandemic and quarantine and being teacher, employee, parent and recreation director all at once and I say, no. I don’t think I’m gonna miss this.
 
Life right now is complicated and messy. Not to mention, scary. In my work with parents who have infants with medical issues, developmental delays, complications of prematurity or social-emotional problems, I see parents who are exhausted and at the end of their rope. And, because they parent a fragile child during a pandemic, they are alone, isolated and worried about the health of their baby.
 
 
Nurturing Newborns, LLC (nurturingnewborns.com) provides short term respite care in the homes of families with special children.  They were born too early. They were born with physical disabilities. They have genetic conditions. Their brain is missing connections. They are sweet and loved and wonderful. They need and deserve experienced and thoughtful care. My staff (God Bless Them!!) provides this kind of care and much, much more. Nurturing the ENTIRE family is our goal and our privilege.
 
Then, March 2020 came along. Tears were shed by my entire staff as we had to push the pause button and stay home. So, the single mother with the baby with arm deformities wasn't able to apply for jobs, the parents of a failure to thrive baby had appointments with specialists delayed, the mother of premature triplets wasn’t able to get the rest she needed to parent her five children. I could go on and on.
 
At Nurturing Newborns, we felt frantic and helpless. Then, as we tend to do, we regrouped. We set up a protocol of temperature taking, mask and glove wearing. I searched websites and talked to professionals about how we could get back into homes. We wondered together whether our families would ever feel comfortable having us provide respite. We worried together and prayed together.
 
One by one, our families reached out. They needed and wanted the support and encouragement that my staff provides through respite care. We discovered that wearing a mask frightened many of our little ones because sadly, they had a history with people wearing a medical mask. We took them off. We fed, cuddled, rocked and reconnected with those in need and it felt great.
 
I’m not gonna miss the disaster of a pandemic. However, at Nurturing Newborns, we welcomed the return to kid’s cryin’ and kid’s screamin’. We are alive and kicking. That’s the place to be.
 
Happy Parenting,
Susan

As an infant sleep consultant, I began to see a pattern with my clients. First, rarely were both parents or caregivers on the same page when it came to sleep strategies or sleep expectations for baby. This topic created A LOT of tension in the home. And, for at least one parent, the discussion about making changes to baby’s sleep routine was scary and laden with strong emotions.
 
Still, parents know they can’t continue to function on four hours of interrupted sleep. They want the situation to improve, but the stress of listening to baby cry is unbearable.
 
Stuck. It’s a tough place to be. And a tough place for a sleep consultant. I saw too many moms battling anxiety about crying babies and too many dads feeling hopeless and frustrated. And, I saw a lot of families that thought they were ready to sleep train their baby but really, they were a long way from being ready.
 
My take-away is this. Parents need to recognize that sleep for their baby is unique to baby AND unique to the family. There is no sleep training technique that works for every single baby or family and no set time to make these changes. And, frankly, very few of the families that paid me to tell them what to do to help their baby sleep were even remotely ready to make a change.
 
Parents, be kind to yourselves. Be realistic about how you feel about sleep changes for your baby. Consider your mental capacity for making changes to baby’s sleep patterns. Slow down. While the nights may be long, the days of your baby being a baby are quickly passing.
 
Happy Parenting,
Susan

It is a well-known fact that words can hurt or words can help. We all have a moment in each day where we need to choose our words carefully. This is especially true with fragile, new parents who are at the end of their rope as they cope with an infant who they feel is challenging. And, as the incidence of postpartum depression and anxiety is rising, a conversation with a new parent may be of great importance.
 
As lead home visitor with Fussy Baby Network Colorado, (fussybabynetworkcolorado.org), I have worked with hundreds of families that live with a baby that is difficult to soothe, feed or help sleep.  Quickly, tears can come to the new mom when I ask the question, “What has it been like for YOU to care for this baby?”
 
Asking the parent about their personal experience can be hugely helpful in this world of instant advice and information. Here are other suggestions on how to use your words wisely when speaking with new parents.
 

• Say NOTHING, simply be present during a difficult time.

 

• Acknowledge and affirm how challenging (and always exhausting) it can be to parent an infant. Validate, validate, validate.

 

• Offer advice or share your own experiences ONLY when invited and say it in one simple sentence.

 

• In a calm, caring way, ask if the parent is feeling depressed or anxious.

 

• Use words that help the parent feel like the expert in the care of their own child.

 
Believe me when I say, the right words and sensitive responses to a new parent can be a lot more helpful than a casserole. Please, watch your mouth and support a brand, new relationship.

As of April 1st, 2019, Nurturing Newborns and Families, LLC is offering respite care to 26 families, all with infants and children who have special needs. I’ve looked at this number four times as I try and let this fact sink in to my brain. This blog post is dedicated to the people who have the courage, empathy and heart that leads them to care for these 26 families.

My employees are a unique group with varied skills.  While we are not medical providers, we do care for children with feeding tubes and oxygen. While we are not mental health professionals, we do speak honestly and directly with parents about their mental health. While we are not housekeepers, we do laundry, wash dishes and vacuum. While we are not nannies, we do rock and sing to babies, change diapers and feed and play with children. While we are not physical therapists, we observe physical therapists with our families, and then do the PT with children. Being a respite care provider at Nurturing Newborns is not an easy job.

My staff sees some very difficult things. Most of the families we work with are coping with loss, fatigue, financial difficulties and strained relationships. At our monthly staff meetings, I encourage my employees to talk about these hard situations.  I love how my staff encourages each other and learns from each other. They are an amazing group of women.

I recently read that a perfect employee is one who inspires his boss as much as his boss inspires him. Shout out to my employees. You are my inspiration.

Let’s take a break, a breather, a moment for ourselves. As a parent, this isn’t so easy. And for the parent of a special needs baby, the thought of taking a moment for themselves can bring on feelings of guilt, fear and panic.

Every day I have the privilege to see in to the lives of families that are making huge sacrifices to care for their special children. It is heart-warming and inspiring to watch. But what happens when the parents need care? How can these special parents continue to nurture and care for their special children when they have not been nurtured themselves?

Imagine being young, alone, unable to work, without a positive support system and giving birth to premature twins who have special needs. Imagine adding homelessness to this complicated situation. Imagine the dreams and hopes you have for your children and for your new little family.

Being the parent of a special needs “little” means sacrifice, unbelievable stress and worry. These parents need self-care and nurturing. They need something as simple as a solo trip to the grocery store or something more complicated as mental health support. And, most importantly, they need someone qualified and competent to care for their special child while they care for themselves.

Nurturing the entire family is our specialty. It isn’t easy and it isn’t for the faint of heart. But at Nurturing Newborns and Families, LLC we embrace this challenge and we embrace these parents and children. It is our privilege.

As I write this, I am in the middle of updating my Nurturing Newborns website. (With the help of my very patient sister and daughter) This update has been needed for quite some time. Some of my excuses for not taking on this task included:  playing with my grandchildren, cleaning the garage, calling to cancel our newspaper, sorting Christmas decorations, playing with my grandchildren, buying new toss pillows, ironing tablecloths, and playing with my grandchildren.  Only one of those excuses is actually excusable. Well, ta-da, here it is. My improved, informative and up to date website is available for your reading and learning pleasure.

This process of changing my website has been cathartic for me. I have taken the time to reflect on this little business I created in 2007. Yes, ten years ago, I had this idea. I thought; what if everyone caring for an infant had a beloved friend, sister, aunt, mother or father that quietly, efficiently and lovingly nurtured both parent and baby? How would this support help protect and encourage the parent-child relationship? How much more crucial would this support be for families with fragile infants or families in crisis? How can this support be funded for families in need?

In January of 2007, I had an idea. I had a vision. To all of my families who believed in this vision and allowed me into their messy, loud and crazy lives, I say, thank you. To my husband, who supported this vision, I say, thank you.  To my employees, who took on the many challenges this vision required, I say, thank you.  Ten years of doing exactly what I want to do has been pretty great.
 

When I am asked about my work, I have sometimes struggled to find the words. I recently decided to start by saying I have the best job in the world, working with the best people in the world, and experiencing the best clients in the world. My job moves me to tears, laughter, anxiety, relief and then tears again. I have lots of stories to tell, and if you are short on time, you probably don't want to ask me about my job. (My family says I'm a talker)

Just in case you were wondering, here are a few things we have been working on at Nurturing Newborns, LLC:

• Working with a mom to help her 8 week old baby sleep better so that she has more time to care for her disabled 2 year old
  
• Wrapping our loving arms around a 2 year old and 4 year old while their mother battles cancer
• Holding the hand of a young mom who has just discovered her newborn twins are facing a serious illness
• Crying with a father who is overwhelmed by responsibilities in a time of crisis
• Helping with transportation to school for children whose mother is on bed rest and grieving the recent loss of her husband
• Always, ALWAYS empowering parents in their role

Nurturing Newborns wants to thank our families for allowing us to see them when they are most vulnerable and raw.  We are grateful to the social workers and other providers that work so diligently to find help for families in crisis. I would also like to thank the following foundations for supporting these vulnerable families and helping Nurturing Newborns with funding to do this work.

Rocky Mountain Children's Health Foundation
rmchildren.org

The Limb Preservation Foundation
limbpreservation.org

There With Care
therewithcare.org

Friends of Man
www.friendsofman.org

Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers
www.rockymountaincancercenters.com

At Nurturing Newborns we choose to be with families in crisis. The crisis may be big or small and our time with the family is always shorter than we wish it to be. But one thing we all agree on, this is the best job ever!  

This foot with the pediatric wrap is a perfect example of where a lack of patience will take you. Because I was impatient and careless in the care of my foot following surgery, my recovery is taking twice as long as it should. While I encourage parents every day to be patient with their little ones, apparently I have not been following my own advice. My little toes are paying the price.

At first, new parents seem to welcome eating breakfast at 2 p.m., doing laundry at 2 a.m., and wearing pajama pants to dress up for visitors. When that baby is about 3 weeks old, I start getting calls from moms and dads who are hoping to take a shower every day at the same time, would like to know when they can plan to go to Target or, most commonly, when baby will start sleeping at the same time each day. Hang on folks, the unpredictable ride is just beginning.

Patience is a necessary survival tool for parents. I have been gritting my teeth for 28 years now. I patiently waited for babies to stop throwing up on my church clothes. I calmly stood by during many a toddler tantrum. I accepted the phase where my preschooler only ate chicken nuggets. (This lasted YEARS. It took a lot out of me.) I didn't make assumptions when my 2nd grader chewed on the collar of all his shirts. Don't even get me started on the patience it took to survive the preteen and teen years. 

Children grow and change quickly. Infants are especially unpredictable and confusing. Phases come and go. Just when you think you have things figured out, your child reminds you of their uniqueness. Parenting is the best and bumpiest roller coaster I've ever experienced.

Happy Parenting!
Susan